It should have surprised no one. Kimbo Slice defeated Tank Abbott in under a minute at last night’s Elite XC presentation, “Street Certified”. The bout was just as frenetic and one-sided as we all knew it would be, though somehow people still seem to think this is a significant accomplishment for Kimbo.
It isn’t. Some of the guys he beat in his backyard brawling days were more competitive than Tank. You can talk all you like about how it’s the fall of a “legend” or the passing of the torch, but it’s just empty rhetoric. The fact is that Tank was a has-been years ago. He’s been victorious only once in his last nine bouts. He showed up looking woefully out of shape and displayed exactly zero technical skill in the loss. In short, beating him means nothing.
The good news is, it’s over. Kimbo has passed this non-test, and now he’s going to have to step up in competition. Elite XC did an admirable job of getting people to believe that this fight mattered (witness Mauro Ranallo with the hard sell from the announcers table, asking which Tank we’ll see, “Sherman or septic”?), but they won’t be able to make that sow’s ear into more than one silk purse. This bout might have been insulting to MMA fans and their intelligence, if only so many fans hadn’t swallowed the hype beforehand.
Congratulations to Kimbo for doing what we all knew he could do, but the preliminaries are over. Time to fight an actual opponent. Time for Elite XC to make it happen. Time for Tank to go back to the bar and stay there. I’m sure there are plenty of dudes waiting to buy him a drink and listen to stories of his glory days, back when it was 1995 and being powerfully sloppy was just enough to win.